Wie geht man mit einem schwulen Sohn um

Question

Tauhid Lab Assistant · Accepted Answer

> **TL;DR:** Keep a firm, clear boundary that the act itself is prohibited, while maintaining compassion, closeness, and a path to repentance for your son; conceal faults, avoid public shaming, and keep making heartfelt supplication (dua) for his guidance [HAD1][HAD7][FAT1]. No one carries another’s sin, so do not blame yourself or other family members, but guide with wisdom and justice at home [HAD2][HAD3].

## Core Principles and Boundaries

### Prophetic rulings to anchor your approach
- The act itself: Anal intercourse—whether with a man or with a woman—is a grave, cursed sin; Allah “does not look” with mercy at one who does this [HAD1], and there are repeated prohibitions and warnings against the act associated with the people of Prophet Lūṭ (Lot) [TAF3][TAF6].  
- Managing exposure: The Prophet instructed that when someone falls into such sin, they should conceal it and turn to Allah in sincere repentance (tawbah — turning back to Allah with remorse, immediate cessation, and resolve not to return), and that when sins are exposed to authorities, legal rulings are applied [HAD7]. This balances accountability with personal dignity, discouraging public scandal while encouraging return to Allah.  
- Accountability: “No bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another.” Parents and siblings are not responsible for a relative’s sin; each person stands before Allah for what they do [HAD2].  
- Justice in family conduct: Parents must remain just with their children and avoid favoritism or punitive “injustice” (zulm) in daily dealings, even amid serious disagreement [HAD3].

### Compassionate engagement, not rejection
- Draw closer with empathy and wisdom: Fatwa guidance emphasizes considering temperament, showing more love and affection, and winning trust so the person can confide; only then can you help him navigate a way out of sin. Keep making dua (supplication) for guidance and give sadaqa (voluntary charity) seeking Allah’s mercy [FAT1].  
- Feelings vs. actions: If your son confides struggles, acknowledge that temptations do not equal destiny; the directive is to avoid the act, turn to Allah, and build a life away from triggers, bad company, and sinful environments [FAT3][FAT6].  
- Do not publicize or “out” him: The ethic is to conceal faults and not expose them, while working toward reform—this preserves dignity and keeps doors of repentance open [HAD7][RIS1].

### Home boundaries with wisdom
- Do not enable or normalize what is clearly forbidden: You cannot approve, celebrate, or facilitate a prohibited act in your home; gentle firmness aligns your household with the prophetic prohibition of the act [HAD1].  
- If a spouse is harmed by a partner’s homosexual activity, juristic guidance allows decisive separation to protect faith and dignity; by analogy, parents may set firm household boundaries when a child demands facilitation of sin [FAT4].  
- Keep the conversation open: Continue hospitality, respect, and calm dialogue while maintaining that halal (lawful) and haram (forbidden) lines are not negotiable [HAD1][FAT1].

### Why these principles are wise
- Protecting dignity while enabling repentance: Concealing faults and calling to tawbah prevents entrenchment in sin and public shame, while safeguarding the possibility

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